For at least a couple years, she’d been increasingly forgetful. She’d repeat herself, forget appointments. But really, who among us doesn’t? She kept a calendar on the fridge for appointments and a notepad by the phone so she could write things down to help her remember. No big deal.

An extremely strong and independant woman, she’d raised me alone from the age of 15 when my father died suddenly.  She often worked two, three, even four jobs at a time  to keep food on the table and put me through college. She had been my best friend ever since my father died. We talked on the phone daily…sometimes multiple times. I noticed the forgetfulness, but shrugged it off as normal for an aging person.

She’d also lived alone since I got married until about four years ago, I think. A good friend of hers fell on some hard times and needed a place to stay. It was only supposed to be for about three months, but turned into much more. Even though I could see my mom’s memory starting to fail, it was probably not as obvious because the friend helped her so much around the house.

During this time, I was busy with my fourth baby, so her roommate eased my mind and my load immensely. My kids were keeping me very busy and my focus was on them. If I’m going to be completely honest, I probably pushed some thoughts of where this was headed aside. The world of elder-care is daunting–something I knew nothing about. I also knew, well, sort of, the impact all of this would eventually have on my life and didn’t want to go there. It was painful, overwhelming.

So, I suppose I  was in denial. I even remember thinking that from time to time.

Just about a year ago, there was no denying it anymore.

She got lost–twice. Although, for a long time, I only knew about one incident. Her roommate knew, but out of loyalty to my mother, didn’t tell me.

Then one day she mentioned in casual conversation that she forgot how to use the oven.

Uh-oh.

Her dementia reached out and slapped me in the forehead like a brick. If she could forget how to use the oven, she could forget where the brake was on the car. She could get lost, flustered, forget the mechanics of driving. Hurt herself. Hurt someone else.

Time to think about this seriously. My responsibility. What do I do? What’s the first step? Who do I talk to?

In a word? Clueless!

I wasn’t in denial anymore, but I didn’t know where to start.

Alot has happened in the last year. I’ve made, and am still making a lot of mistakes. But, I’m learning. In this series of posts on dementia and Alzheimer’s, I will share my journey as a caregiver hoping to provide information and support to others in my shoes. Maybe some will read this who have more experience than I do and share what they know so I can make fewer mistakes going forward.

If you’re a friend of mine, or a family member or even a regular reader of this blog, then you know the shlumping economy hit our household on August 20, 2008. The last time I wrote about our experience was on the first anniversary of that hit.

It was a pretty positive post. We were doing pretty well. Then in the blink of an eye, we weren’t so OK anymore.

The months of September, October, November and December sent us one blow after another.

BAM! Michael’s biggest client decided they no longer needed his services.

BAM! The Department of Human Services decided we weren’t eligible for benefits anymore.

BAM! The COBRA subsidy ran out.

BAM! The Department of Job and Family Services decided Michael wasn’t eligible for unemployment anymore.

I felt absolutely defeated. I was frustrated. The savings we’d built up over several months was gone seemingly overnight. We were back to square one–or square zero.

I know I probably wasn’t much fun to be around. (Thank you my dear friends for sticking with me.) We were in almost exactly the same situation we’d been in a year before but my attitude was much different. I still had faith, still trusted in God’s plan, but really felt I was reaching the end of what I could handle.

I remember crying myself to sleep on New Year’s Eve. A night when most are feeling hopeful about what the new year will bring, I was almost hopeless.

So here we were in January, again. Amazingly, the interviews started happening again. Little by little all the bureaucratic red-tape got straightened around and we started receiving help again from Human Services and Unemployment. The COBRA subsidy was extended.

There was hope, but less of it. I guess one gets jaded after being knocked down from the pedestal of hope time and again.

Amidst the job interviews, one opportunity was most intriguing. But also most risky as the company is a start-up. We began having the same conversation we’d had the previous January during the slew of interviews while we weighed the option of Michael having his own business.

How will we know which is the right decision? If there’s an offer from a stable company that’s been around awhile, do we take that and then have regrets later if this start-up really takes off? What if we go with the start-up and they fail in 6 months or a year? Then we go through all this again.

We prayed for guidance.

You know, I think maybe God doesn’t trust our decision making ability because he seems to make the answers abundantly clear. None of the other interviews panned out. Nothing to lose. Take the risk.

Michael’s been on contract with them for the last two months and we’ve been holding our breath. As of today, he is EMPLOYED! (insert Hallelujah chorus here)

Is this God’s plan? No clue!

But, we’re hopeful again. Making plans again. And if it turns out this IS God’s plan, we’re thankful for the past 19 months, 11 days which brought us to this opportunity willing to take a risk.

and…EXHALE!

Time savers, money savers, energy savers (both electrical and human), maybe even sanity savers.

I have a couple I thought I’d share with you, but I’m selfishly hoping you’ll share yours with me.

Fresh and Free Bread Crumbs

I’ve always thought it was a huge waste to throw the ends of the bread away. But I don’t want to eat them either. My solution? I keep a bag in the freezer and everytime I finish off a loaf of bread, I toss the ends in. When I need bread crumbs for a recipe, I pull a couple out and put them in the food processor, blender or Magic Bullet. In just a couple minutes I have fresh bread crumbs that didn’t cost me a dime. Sometimes I add Italian seasoning or some cheese to spice up the flavor. I’ve saved money and reduced waste.

Natural and Inexpensive Multi-Purpose Cleaner and Odor Eliminator

If you’re not using vinegar all around your house, you’re missing out! The first place I started using it was in the laundry room. I have four young children. Diapers leak, they get sick, they wet the bed. Their clothes and bedding get smelly. My towels were smelling musty too. I used to buy Febreze Laundry. Effective, but really expensive!

Now, I keep a jug of vinegar next to the washer. I add a half cup to a cup to the loads that are stinky. Works like a charm! And, no, the clothes don’t smell like vinegar. I also use it as a liquid fabric softener and more in the laundry.

I also use vinegar to clean my kitchen and bathroom. It wards off mold and mildew. It doesn’t disinfect, so it’s not the only product I use in those rooms. But I use it a lot. And, no, my house doesn’t smell like vinegar. It also doesn’t smell like chemicals.

My best tip related to vinegar? Take an old baby wipe container and fill it with equal parts vinegar and water. Fold some clean rags and place them in the solution. I actually filled mine with two cups water and marked a line on the outside of the container with a magic marker, then added two cups vinegar and made another mark. Now I don’t have to measure my equal parts.

When you’re ready to clean, take out a rag. If you need another one, don’t dip the dirty one back in, just pull out a new one. No paper towels! Again…saving money and reducing waste. When you’re finished cleaning, toss the rags in the wash. The vinegar they’re soaked in helps freshen the load.

There are so many other uses for vinegar! Give it a try. You’ll be over the smell in a couple days.

Organizer for Coupons

I wrote an entire post on my coupon strategy, but the key is really how I organize the coupons using a mini photo album and Post-It notes.

There you have it. Three of my time and money savers. What are your favorite tips and tricks?

That one is me.

Tonight, I’m beyond writer’s block. I’m just plum tuckered out!

But, I committed. And it’s Thursday. Not Thoughtless Thursday, but Thankful Thursday.

So, tonight, I am thankful for being a mostly stay-at-home mom who substitute teaches from time to time. I’m thankful that I was asked to work every day this week. I’m also thankful that I only said yes three of those days and that one of those days is not tomorrow!

I’m also thankful for my pajamas and my nice warm bed!

My son and his partner watch their robot maneuver the field.

I just wrapped up my second season as coach of our school’s FIRST Lego League Robotics team. I won’t go into details here about what this program is. If you’re interested, look here. I’ll just say it’s a phenomenal program that teaches children 9-14 about science, technology, engineering, public speaking, teamwork, research skills and more.

That’s not what this post is about. This post is about what it and the kids taught me.

1. Challenge yourself: Don’t be afraid to tackle projects that you aren’t an expert in. I’m pretty good at a lot of things. But, there are a lot more things that I’m not so good at. Building robots is one of those things. I can’t look at a box of parts and “see” a robot. I just see a bunch of parts. On the surface that means I’d probably be an ineffective coach for a robotics team. Likewise, I had kids on my team who excelled in one area or another. No one was an expert in everything. But they all worked on everything. They all learned. They all succeeded. They all had fun.
2. Ask for help when you need it: See point number one. So I’m not great with the robot part. I recognize it, I’m not afraid to admit it, I seek the advice of those who are good at it. Sometimes other parents, sometimes books, sometimes the internet, sometimes the kids. Same with the kids. They learned from all those sources and from me. They especially learned from each other.
3. Look beyond the physical: One of our team members is wheelchair bound. I found myself worrying I would say the wrong thing or he’d be excluded because we weren’t making things accessible enough for him. My son, and others on the team, didn’t seem to notice the wheelchair. This boy was just one of them. They were respectful of “the chair” but didn’t let it, in any way, define their relationship or interaction with this boy.
4. Work together for the greater good: You won’t always be friends with the people you have to work with. Deal with it. Get over it. Focus on the task at hand. Be professionals. Get the job done.
5. Laugh at yourself: I was looking for a cart. A parent asked what kind of cart I needed. I said, “one with wheels.” My wheelchair bound student said, “I’m on wheels.” If you can laugh at yourself, life’s hurdles are so much easier to handle.
6. Recognize when you’ve over-extended yourself: This lesson I learned from a girl who didn’t return to the team this year. She made the decision on her own that she was involved in too many things. If she was going to do any of them well, she needed to pare down the list. She dropped robotics. She’s wise. I, too, have realized I’m over-extended. I can’t do it all. Some of the volunteering I do will have to be pared down as well. I’m dropping robotics.
7. Above all, have fun: We put in a lot of hours during the last two months. It was stressful, frustrating, hectic. But, it was fun! If you can say you’ve had fun, and you’ve learned something, too, then you’ve succeeded.

I’ve enjoyed it immensely and will still be very involved as my second child will be joining the team next year. I just won’t have the word “coach” on the back of my shirt anymore.

P.S. The team did take home a trophy for their Innovative Solution to this year’s challenge.